COOKIES.DATN :-$The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost. 7Why do we drive on parkways....and park on driveways??;The way to love something is to tie it up to a pole, and never let it go. Or shoot it.2:+)10 kiwis for $1 at Copps! Run don't walk!M2X1Thinking...is what gets you caught from behind. -O.J. SimpsonM;4Dreams are real while they last. Can we say more of life? Remember: most californians can't even identify anthills. B  Y9I see amputation in your future! Next logon port:limb - 1:hand 2:arm 3:foot 4:leg 5:sexual organ 6:huge quantities of fat 7:headI JThis kiwi comes to you courtesy of Gateway-2000[tm] - the technology guys.I  IIs it raining? Is it snowing? Is a hurricane a blowing?I  G Not a speck of light is showing.. So the DANGER must be growing!I $ 1*Tee hee hee! You just wasted your kiwi.I % Whoever started this kiwi shortage should be shot.I % Spam: it's what's for dinner!t % .!The genie ate the kiwi!t & Pants: Penis Fly-Trapst ' A  E"Insanity is a priviledge, not a disease.t ( Ok, who stepped on the kiwi!?I ) %Oooga booga!I ) 4;NEW! Randy the Rodent stars in "I'm a kewl dude!" - opening Friday!I * 6NEW! Randy the Rodent stars in "Are you dumb?" - opening Friday!I * ;3Look out! Disgrunted Randy the "postman" Rodent is coming your way!I + I like McDonalds burgers. No, really, I do. I like to take out the meat, and eat the buns, because the buns are grade-A spam.I + b5No one move! Mrs. Kiwi Genie's got a gun!I / VI prefer Coke 2 to 1 over Pepsi.I / A.Sometimes, I just want a house. But then I remember - if I had a house, I couldn't just eat some kiwi when I'm hungry.I 1 `"Golly, what a big lightsaber you have, Luke!I 1 ?,Golly, what a big blaster you have, Han!I 2 My name is "Larry," but my friends just call me "chubby."I 2 Use the force, george!I 2 [And she's climbing the stairway.. to heaven.I 3 )(Where can I put this pain of mine?I 4 \Out of my way, out of my day. Out of mind, and into yours.I 4 M#It aint my fault, I say! It just aint my fault. Johnny did it!I 4 A8Down on the sun, and down into your fun. Dammit on down to hail again.I 5 HI see before you a road to Kashmir.I 6 KEver wonder why David Letterman has hair? Well, I've got the answer. I'm just not going to tell you. Nyah!I 6 !I call this piece... "Loaded Artwork."I 7 )Standing across the room, are you leaving soon? I just need a little time..I 7 !1Open door, so I walk inside. Close my eyes, find my place to hide.I 8 @ This kiwi has an "Intel Inside" sticker on it - that should explain any logic flaws.I : 6My name is Randy the Rodent, and I work for Microsoft.I ; This kiwi was written on a genuine GameBoy[tm] workstation. #,- F'BEER. Need I say more? %Drink beer. Get laid. Is there more to life?  &6(Type "sex" for a a good time. ' Run around in circles...it makes you feel better. #4Me be a genie...you be a banana. Er...maybe not. :I don't want to be a kiwi genie anymore. I want to be a potato genie.I 'BWash me, until I'm clean! QHeh.. never poke a hole in a bottle of antifreeze, light it, and stomp on it 2 There you go, sport, you got it! Just sit there on your arse and wait for me to tell you what to do next. 2,Actually, I'm a lime fairy participating in an exchange program.I 3RWelcome, I'm the kiwi genie, at your service.I 38Why do they call it an "Arch Deluxe" if it's really just a regular hamburger with onions on it?I 4`It's official: Randy the Rodent is your hero!I 4X*Pardon me, would you have a crush with eyeliner?I 5_Yah, my name is Larry, want to make something of it?  b6People who think they know everything are very irritating to those of us who do.I _,Come on over and chat with Slang and the Gang! *Walk into an elevator nude and with your eyes shut, sport, and you'll find true love. Or at least get groped. +8The key to personal happiness is to tickle Exie til she spouts half-used vodka from her nostrils, sport. , 5Someone is going to shove a hot light bulb up your arse, and smash it. Begin your preparations. -Agh! I'm nekkid in here! .XYou are dirty and uncouth. /JYour favorite food will be the lima bean. You will listen to Bing Crosby. You will die in front of the evening news, a nobody. ... NOT!I 0!Through the rain I see you in the sun. 0AHey! Wouldn't you get cross if /I/ decided to crack your ribcage open like a lobster claw, sport? Cut it out! 1\You look better in a dress, sport. 1!The answer to the question on your mind is, Not On Your Life, Bucko! 2:Kiss me and I'm yours forever! 2You look so sultry with kiwi juice dripping off your chin. 2&How do I like dem apples? I like dem apples just fine, sport! 20:Your nostrils look... sooo comfy. Mind if I try one on? 3b Now am I supposed to wiggle my nose, or cross my arms and nod.. I can never remember..  49Lure Hans Goober to Nakatomi Plaza and duct tape a vodka bottle to your back. 4\-Beware of Exie's version of a "spirited discussion", sport. 5 56When entering, exiting, ascending stairs or descending them, avoid steapping on sleeping Germinas.I 56Man, I swear that I don't have a gun. 6$*Go find someone to get all engorged and tingly with, sport. 9Dammit, next time you bother me, I swear us kiwi genies are gonna gang up on you and whup your crusted heinie, sport. 9Invest in canned food and shotguns!I : It seems I've already heard this song before. Out of my way, out of my day! :\I'm gonna nail your arse to the pavement and call you a speedbump.I :5I 1I was having a nice little snooze until you came along, sport.I ;A7Thy who lives longest also has a very large nose.I &Coming soon - Randy the Rodent in "Kewlest dude of all" - directed by Barry the Beatle.I 4Thy who drags hardest hurts longest. a+ (Well, the sheet here says.. Well, sport, this must be wrong, cause it says you've got one..  YYou've got a milk moustache in your future. Don't fight it.I $Hello there! I'm Randy the Rodent, and I'd like to sell you my 11-step kiwi recovery program. A mere $119.99 plus tax if applicable. ;7Thank God! I thought you were Randy the Rodent, come to chew me guts away.. You'd have better results if you invested in Lucky Charms, sport.I /(Thy who reads fastest finishes firstest. ;Answer On Back AAnswer On FrontI ON SALE NOW! "Buy this book and make me even richer" by Stephen King.I "I 77This is a railroad crossing, sport, don't just stand here. 77Well, I hope you don't get off abusing fruit like that, sport. Sign of a disturbed mind.I HHoly schnikies! Randy the Rodent is attacking, BatMan! YActually, I'm a closet fairy. Could you lick my wings clean? ,Holy cow! Your breath reeks, sport! Ever heard of mentos?I [%I'm hungry. Please feed me a brownie. :/Your gut will swell up like a 12-hour pregnancy until your navel finally blows out. NActually, I'm an out of work Alien. Mind if I leap onto your face and ram my tongue down your throat?I  8Put some clothes on, sport. You're making me sick.I  ) Tickle my stomach for a magical message!  .*  CI see vast quantities of silent death jetting from your viscera, sport. Avoid Taco Bell.I   This space for rent. Call 1-900-FOR-KIWI.  0&Well, well, well, look who got beat with the ugly stick.  JAre you for real?  &7When life is bad, just be grateful it isn't worse.  c;Call the psychic kiwi network! 1-900-EAT-KIWI!I  0Sport, look, I'm serious. If you don't get me some kryptonite in the next five minutes, I'm not giving you any more advice.  , This has been a Desilu production.I  Y8Silly rabbit! Tee hee hee, isn't he cute?I I 6Look, in the sky! It's a bird, a plane? Er, no, I don't think so, sport. T(You're going to get kryptonite locked to a street sign by the neck. Make sure to carry a scarf, that way you can just pretend you're hangin' out, sport. ] Please don't squish me...I  Are you my mommy?I H'You fed me once and now I'm dead. Don't feed me brownies, I'm allergic. D4I feel so funky, Egon.. KThe next time someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES! T$The next time someone tells you you're a dog, you say NO! Got it, sport? M*Anyone caught quoting the movie "Forest Gump" will be whapped upside the head really hard with the ugly stick. [;Holy cow! Are those implants?I !It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's Randy the Rodent in "speedy salamander!" - go see it today, sport!I C;Be nice to me, or I'll have Chloe beat you. YSo there I was, hiding from this cat.... Hold on a sec, Andy. What the hell you starin' at, sport!? This is a private conversation.I [7Don't make me run, I'm full of chocolate!I 5&I have an.. urge. Bring me the brownies, sport. =2Smooth move, ex-lax. Wash your hands before handling food, sport. S2Mary, Mary, quite contrary, shave your twat, it's too damn hairy. Railroad tracks are great places to sleep, sport. Trust me. G Sorry, I'm actually just a burrowing insect larva. Try again!I Let's go dig up gravestones! $;Lycra would suit you well. Replace your wardrobe. Go with the hot pink stuff. You got all that, sport?I  My, you're a morbid one, aintcha? Randy - fetch the club. 3Buy a large automobile and go splash some puppy guts, sport.I 0Careful what you say. Careful what you wish, you may regret it. Careful what you wish, you may just get it. 7You're not my spirit animal, are you?I 4I am King Nothing. Bow at my feet, please. Donations gladly accepted by the door. ,Okay, this is our little secret. Rush Limbaugh is actually computer-generated.I cRush Limbaugh is a big fat idiot. I've been a baaad genie! Spank me, sport! b7Go find someone who needs you. JIn the beginning there was nothing. Then, God created light. There was still nothing, but at least you could see it.I Randy! Oh, Randy! You have a visitor! aYou will move great mountains... immense rivers.. Oh wait, scaling from kiwi genie to human reference... You're going to go to the bathroom a lot, sport. 8&Help Randy the Rodent get laid before he gets any randier, eh, sport? Thanks.I R What a large nose you have, sport! ^Bright light! Bright light! I )Hello.... my name.. Larry..... Larry is my name.... yes... please.. keep the rodent away.... please.... please!I M6I'm thinking of a cute, fuzzy rodent. Can you guess who? BYou need something hot and sweet attached to your face. Either dig up a significant other, or microwave this kiwi. Otherwise I'll syrup an Alien for you. (.Damn, I need some hassenpfeffer!I  ,I don't know.. I just feel a little shafted, that's all.  aYou remind me of a meatball I once lived in, sport.I  Larry's Lumpy Lenders, for all your fuk'n geek needs.I  %%My other car is a Bostitch! !BOkay, let's get these wishes out of the way real quicky-like, sport. Next round, I get to be a bra genie!I !7 Can you eat that there snack cracker in your special outfit for me, sport? !]6I sit in this kiwi for six hundred years.. and all I get in return is YOU?I "Be good, Santa Claus is watching! "XWe'd both have more fun if you'd sit on this kiwi, sport.I "8Be good, the parole officer is watching! #Keep opening kiwis! Santa Claus is trapped in one of them, sport.. We messed up; it's a long story. #)Whew.. For a second I thought you were customs.I $Inject your soul with liberty.. hey, it's free. $]'You're hallucinating again, sport. Thwack yourself repeatedly.I %% Tee hee hee, no more peaches for you, sport! %8Yes! Thank you, God! Come, my family; we are out of Cuba. %X)Bagels don't make the best pasties.I %*+What you've got there, sport, is a genuine Brain Stew. &OI grant you an extra wish in exchange for your firstborn daughter, sport.I &:My eyes feel like they're gunna bleed. &/%Oooooh, lighter fluid. Pretty fire. &,;I smell kiwi fresh, sport! Smell me, smell me with them great big nostrils o'yourn!I 'My mind is set on overdrive. Intel Over Drive[tm], that is! Available from Circuit City, now! Only $399.99.I '?2Burn me, scout. (OYou're not another one of those critters who just wants me to scratch where you poop, are you? ('I'm actually owned my Microsoft now, sport. Got anyplace I can crash? * First, you get me a hooker. Then, we can talk wishes.I *_If I'm not dead, I'm not for sale! */Invent Spam-on-a-rope, and the world will be your oyster. ,EYou will spend your life defending the ozone layer by strapping hefty bags onto bovine hindquarters.I , 'New! From the people who brought you Spam[tm] - it's SuperSpam! Twice the sugar, half the taste! ,=*I'm lonely, will you marry me? -Whoah! Don't scare me, sport; for a second, I thought you were going to sit on me. --6Actually, you're hallucinating. You should have flushed me and my kiwi. .] Switcher, you are ooone sick puppy. .I9Sorry, kiwis don't fall under the Lemon Law, so I'm gonna gyp you.I /BHey, sport, can I get that quarter from under your horny booty? I just want one more fruit pie..I /E'Randy the Rodent. He keeps going, and going, and going...I 0http://www.randy-the-rodent.com/phrases/kiwi.html 1 In your future, I see... I seee.. Are those nostrils for real?I 16:Surgeon general's warning: consuming large amounts of Spam[tm] may be dangerous to your health. 2^ You will find yourself eating a luscious repast of spam loaf and eggplant juice. 23(Hey! You could be writing kiwis right now! 3Okay, I love you, buh-bye!I 3Today's weather: looks pretty crappy.  Since no one ever uses kiwis, writing this one is more or less pointles.  RMy other car is in a ditch.  AHey everybody! I'm Barney... BANG-BANG-BANG!!! 08*ؗapi(C):wta^>_I,Kn (Y+Hey there. I'm the Kiwi Genie. Die...... NOW! ;UCome on! You're invited to the Wigely-Weiner wedding!!! (. breath.. exhale.. exhale lungs.. () breath.. exhale.. exhale lungs.. (.# That with Lucifers aid, we might look forward for a more suculant ocassion.H +(In my day, there were no kiwis. Just fortune cookies. You read them with /c.H ,Take the zoos back from all those damn kids. Go today.H -[ If the media is the message, stamp it "return to sender" and pick up the phone.H - When I hear someone say "information superhighway," I want to hit them with my car.H .The quality of a Macintosh owner's system is in inverse proportion to their computer knowledge.H ^"If I can truly be said to exist, why doesn't anyone invite me to parties?" -- Descartes, age 17H 9Call now, and join the ProDOS Appreciation Society! Receive your free copy of Copy II Plus!I 4$.It's the end of the world as we know it! It is said, what is good for a goose is good for a gander. So go goose someone and watch their response! M1,2,3,4, get your lover on the floor gonna gonna gonna get up gonna gonna get up! U$Drink Ovaltine! Can you believe Barbie, with those incredible webbed fingers and unbelievably long legs?^ 91Clucky the Chicken of death! RDrink Pepsi. Get Stuff. t D.Very good grasshopper, you have passed the first test, now snatch the pebble from my pants...H  XTo be silent in the face of Elvis is to be his accomplice.I Let the show begin!I  Hey, sport.. You gunna eat them pancakes stuck between your toes?I "Generally, pancakes are best consumed in a frozen lump of jello.I  Why do they call it "International House of Pancakes" when it's not really international? Maybe those dumbasses meant "National..."I ;3Ovaltine would go good with them pancakes, sport. VYou'd be mighty tasty, slathered in maple syrup and patted with b'tter..I +Here are days/what I eat for breakfast. M/pancakes. T/pancakes. W/pancakes. R/pancakes. F/pancakes. SA/pancakes. SU/pancakes. Any questions? ]Y'know, sport, if wishes were pancakes, I'd make Aunt Jemima jealous.. , If you ask nicely, maybe Peter Pan will make you a cake..I IThat's a pretty nice noose you've got there, sport. Want a pancake?I 8If you ask nicely, maybe Peter Pan will give you an icy, carbonated beverage. A Okay, you got three wishes... But they're in the pancake aisle at Cub, so you'd best be off!I ,I feel your pain, sport.I RIt's amazing.. I've never seen anything quite like it. You seem to be getting dumber by the minute, sport!I ,1I can't talk now, I'm missing Dr. Who! I love dees america thing! Furry meat-flabored pop tarts on evvery stureet corrner! I give you five weeshes.I  *Ice cold Coke. Feel the refreshment. "c+Slough off some tissues and get back to me, sport. We'll see how many wishes you've earned. #9;Hi, I'm Alfred E. Kiwi! % Base your life on the chronicles of the Dukes of Hazzard.I &`Cheap! Buy a Dukes of Hazzard baseball cap, and recieve a *FREE* sticker from the short lived sequel.. "Frog Cops." 'Don't squeeze me too hard. My eyeballs will pop out on stalks of kiwi meat. Not a pretty sight. ( I'm koo-koo for cocoa puffs! SQUAWKI (Cheap! For some odd reason, the monkey-vomit green metal lunchboxes haven't been selling as we invisioned. So, race to Walgreens now and get 5% off!I )W P-U-N-C-T-U-A-T-E and S-P-E-L-L correctly when trying to help the kiwi genie out, or I'll have Chloe come and beat you. ),2Pull my finger, sport! No, really, pull it! *You get a wish every time someone refers to you as "that lush". Invest in vodka and aspirin. +Next time read the 'this side up' on the kiwi, sport. That's my arse you're ogling.I +& I don't like what you've got me hanging from, sport. -?#You've been chosen to feed our attack bunny, Chloe! The kevlar loincloth and oven mitts are in SPQR's closet. Find your own slab of writhing meat.I -(.Resistance is futile.I /aLook, sport. Don't push or pull on the kiwi. It really gets annoying, and I'll just drag you down with me. Don't make me beat you. //$You will become a world-renouned lummox. Invest in a new wardrobe to prepare! 0)You get a wish every time someone passes out from your body odor! Invest in sweat socks and mexican food!I 0P5Today's password is.. Ovaltine. 102You get a wish every time someone kisses you! Well, this is going to be too easy on me, now, isn't it..I 3a Can I steal YOUR thunder, sport? It's so.. shocking. Tee hee hee.I 3D'I can't hear ya, sport! You talking to me? Speak up! 4Open your mouth quick! I'm gonna throw up!I 5R Put the lid back on that soup, you're making us all sick. 63:Okay, I'm going to find a vein now... Just hold still, and whatever you do, DON'T LOOK AT THE NEEDLE. No, sport, it's smaller than the Alaska Pipeline. I 7?7 I'm sick, please don't bug me 8NYou are the smoking gun in someone else's crime. Put yourself in a ziploc and jump into a police officer's lap.I 8P0The Kiwi-Network Home IQ Tester: Question #402 - Is Alaska.. A) A city, B) A country, C) A large flag, D) I have no idea what I'm talking about.I :The correct answer to question #402 is.. D! :[Actually, my name's Gene... It's a long story, but I'm actually an accountant/analyst from Iowa.I :K0I ;K%The longer the walk, the farther you crawl.I ;3My body my temple. This temple is the house that Jack built. 3Oh, I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more, just to be the genie who walked a thousand miles to slap you upside the head, foo!I What was that for, sport? You're not supposed to thwack the genie. Now I can't grant you any more wishes.I<6I run, but you stay right by my side. Shoo! I told you I don't want to talk to you! The things inside me scream and shout.. Please hold me, until I sleep.IJust like the curse, just like the stray. You feed it once and now it stares. So tear me open but beware. There's things inside without a care. Stain me.IT Don't be gloomy, sport! I still love you.II1No more can you hurt anyone. I see in your future.. large lemons! bahaha!IEY'know, this kiwi thing is out of hand. I feel... enclosed. Oh, you want a fortune? Well.. how's this: large grapefruit!I= Dig for gold, dig for fame! I see shiny stuff in your future.I 0Where's your crown, king? eh? You don't have one, sport! I'm the genie around here! Ha, go get me something to drink.t70 The west flys south with the east to the north...t8!Damn air always getting in my way!t:88Lacubebreous roto monkey.F6 If a ram is a sheep, and an ass is a donkey, why is a ram in the ass a goose?I3Stockpile booze, sport! Ya never know when prohibition will return!%!Cats really are smarter than dogs--you can't make 8 cats drag a sled through snow.,\%She who dies with the most shoes, wins.  aTo kiwi, or not to Kiwi. That is the Question...)+I know /exactly/ where to find rubber pants in your size, sport.Wine me, dine me, 69 me!Need attention? Whip your reproductive organs out in public!@Wow, kiwi juice really lubricates...[GODDAMNIT! This stuff is sticky...:0 to HORNY in 2.5 BEERSMacintosh stands for, "Machine Always Crashes, It Needs The Operating Sytem Hacked"t( i JLook! Up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! <...cringe> Sorry, sport, guess it was a brick. ... You okay?%Z,Go curl up with someone exceedingly cantilevered.Rremember....it's not the heat. it's the HUMIDITY.%/Don't mess with Texas. Texas is a waste of skin!$ Documentation is like sex... when it is good, it is very, very good; when it is bad, it's better than nothing.%"7&!Lucky for you, sport, this kiwi has no mentions of pancakes or Ovaltine in it.